My Sincerest Apologies

I just wanted to let you know
That I wanted to save you,
But I just didn't know how.
I couldn't find a way to help you
Without tearing myself apart.
I still tried though,
But not hard enough.
And for that I can never express
How truly sorry I am.
I wish I could say that I was strong enough,
But I'm just a weak person.
You were stronger than me;
I don't know if I could have ever made it.
My other friends told me to forget about you
Because you were the only thing on my mind.
But I couldn't.
I always wondered how you were doing,
But I never called.
I guess I was too scared
To find out that this world isn't so great.
I'm sorry,
I should have called.
I still wanted you around,
But you had so much influence on me-
I was so young.
We were both young,
But you always seemed more self-assured-
I was just awkward.
I should have known,
I still can't believe I missed the signs.
I was only fifteen,
But so were you.
You didn't deserve to go through that alone-
I should have stepped up.
I'm sorry I wasn't there-
If it seemed like I didn't care.
I did.
I just didn't know how to deal with this unpleasant circumstance,
How to deal with you.
There were nights when I thought about doing what you tried to do,
But I was scared,
Absolutely horrified.
I hated being in that state of mind,
It was terrifying.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that so often;
I only experienced it temporarily.
But it might have come back-
I don't know.
Sometimes I just wish we could go back,
Back before all of this.
You didn't deserve what you had to go through,
You don't deserve the harshness in your life-
You deserve a better life.
I wish that I tried more
To help you get your better life.
I'm sorry that I was a horrible friend,
I should have been better-
You deserve much better.
I was never that great at giving advice,
But I should have found comforting words for you-
Even if I didn't know the whole story.
I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough-
You deserve so much more.
I just couldn't do it-
My sincerest apologies.